Jan 11, 2013
How To Overcome Sexual Temptation
Good News of Grace
No matter how much you have sinned sexually, how impossible change feels, or how powerfully you are being tempted — there’s good news.
Jesus Christ died and rose again. And so, if you will turn to Him as you are, and trust Him to forgive you, help you, change you, satisfy you — you can know you are completely forgiven, clothed in Christ’s perfect righteousness, and passionately loved by God.
That’s precious beyond words.
But There’s More
God also promises to give you all the grace you need to overcome sexual temptation –
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. (2Cor 9:8)
And He promises that He will only allow you to face temptations that you, empowered by His grace, will be able to overcome –
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1Cor 10:13)
So through Christ, by faith alone, God will give you everything you need to fight sexual temptation.
Yes, Fight!
We don’t just let go and let God. Jesus calls us to fight sexual temptation.
Here’s how He put it in Mark 9:47 –
And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown in to hell.
Not that your eye causes you to sin. A few chapters earlier Jesus said sin comes from the heart (Mark 7:21). So Jesus’ point is not that we fight sin by gouging out eyes. His point is that IF gouging out eyes would overcome sin, it would be well worth it. Which means we must spare no effort to fight sin.
So how do we fight sexual sin?
A Helpful Distinction
Sexual temptation has two parts.
There’s the physical craving for sexual feeling, activity, and fulfillment. And there’s also the emotional longing for sexual excitement, closeness, and pleasure.
God’s grace helps us deal with each of these differently.
The Physical Craving
Take the physical craving for sexual activity. This craving is not in itself sin, and is something God built into our bodies. But unless we are married and in a setting where this can be pursued in a way that serves our spouse, it must be resisted.
How? By relying on God’s promise that He is worth the discomfort, and by understanding that God has made our bodies so that in time the craving will diminish.
It’s like when you are fasting and crave food. This craving is not sinful. But if God has called you to fast, you must resist it by relying on God’s promise that He is worth the discomfort, and by knowing that in time the hunger will be gone.
The Emotional Longing
The emotional longing is different. This is not a longing we have to live with. This is a longing God promises to satisfy completely — in Himself.
I say that because of Psalm 73:25 –
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
God can so satisfy our hearts in Himself that we desire nothing else. All our emotional longings can be satisfied in knowing Him, beholding Him, and worshiping Him.
So What Can You Do When Tempted?
Joy in God comes from faith (Rom 15:13). Obedience comes from faith (Heb 11:8). The Spirit is provided by faith (Gal 3:5).
So what’s most important is not will-power, computer filters, or accountability.
These have their place. But what’s most important is strengthening our faith in Christ.
Here’s what I recommend:
Come to God as you are. Don’t try to change your heart first. Turn and trust Jesus Christ to forgive you, help you, free you, and satisfy you. By faith alone you can immediately be assured that you are forgiven and that God will fulfill all His promises to you (Luke 18:13-14).
Confess any sin that needs confessing. If you desire sex more than you desire Christ, have had lustful thoughts, or don’t believe He can overcome this temptation — confess your unbelief. Ask Him forgive and cleanse you. He will. He promises (1John 1:9).
Pray for the heart-changing work of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit can revive dead hearts (Isa 57:15), soften hard hearts (Eze 36:26), and free enslaved hearts (Rom 6:17). So pray earnestly for God to increase the work of His Spirit in you.
Set your heart on the truth of God’s Word. The word of God is the sword the Spirit uses to slay unbelief and lust (Eph 6:17). So pray over passages describing God’s incomparable glory, Christ’s all-satisfying love, and the Spirit’s heart-changing help, like Exo 33:18-19; Psa 138:5-6; Gal 2:20; 2Cor 8:9; Luke 18:27; 1John 5:4.
Pray over God’s Word until your emotional longing is satisfied in Christ. God promises that who He is in Christ will completely satisfy every emotional longing (see Psa 16:11; John 6:35; John 7:37-38; 1Pet 1:8). So press in with prayer and meditation until the Spirit strengthens your faith and you see and feel Christ as your all-satisfying Treasure.
Let that satisfaction stir you to resist the physical craving. Sometimes God supernaturally takes the physical craving away. But more often He calls us to endure that craving until it lessens. And what motivates us to endure is the taste of Christ’s all-satisfying glory and the promise of gaining more through our endurance (Matt 5:8; John 14:21). So plead with Him for help. See Him as your treasure. Then go for a walk. Run some sprints. Whatever. He is worth it all.
Do all you can to avoid temptation. We can go places, watch TV shows, and read books that increase the physical and emotional desire for sex. So — for the sake of gaining more joy in Christ forever — don’t. Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife (Gen 39:12). Join him.
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And here are some related posts you might find helpful –
What Does the Bible Say About Sex Before Marriage?How Far Is Too Far Before Marriage?A Take-No-Prisoners Kind of WarHow God Helps You Overcome Sin
(Picture is from Microsoft Publisher Clipart.)
I can definitely relate to this post. After I broke up with my boyfriend, I was feeling lonely and wanted to feel desirable (I’d also felt lonely when I was with my boyfriend)…so I hooked up with a guy from my past and a new guy I’d met. Before I gave in to my desires, God told me “You need to heal first,” but I didn’t listen. Afterwards, I felt awful and empty. Once I started getting closer to God, I felt more fulfilled and less lonely. I’ve also been praying for Him to remove my desire for sex or at least allow me to focus on something else. I also have to remind myself that sex is just temporary satisfaction; I’m not going to really be ‘fulfilled.’ So far, I’ve been feeling great!
Thanks for sharing your story, cher79. And I’m so glad to hear how God is working in your life.
It’s beautiful that we can be completely forgiven and cleansed through trusting Jesus Christ — and that He will so satisfy us in Himself that we can overcome the far-less satisfying temptations around us.
Keep fighting the fight of faith!
In Christ,
Steve Fuller
AWESOME. Going to mangle this sin tonight with the Promises of God.
What a great comment. Made my day to think of you using God’s promises to MANGLE sin. Yes!
I believe confessing your sins is thanking Jesus that your sins have already been forgiven and He is your righteousness. Building the identity of how love and forgiven you are as a Child of God.
Thanks for your thoughts, Alvin. Isn’t it glorious that Jesus Christ has done everything we need to be completely forgiven? What a Savior!
I have been divorced for 20 years. My ex-husband was in another relationship before the divorce was finalised. When my daughter was 7, I dated the same person for 10 years, but I was not living a truly Christian life then, and it never developed into a lasting commitment.
Last year, I met a younger man who asked me out. I didn’t take it seriously, but agreed to go because I was flattered. After three or four dates over a few weeks, it had become clear that we were mutually attracted. He was a Christian and did not share my views on sexual abstinence, but had been considerate of my wishes not to indulge. He made it clear he didn’t want any emotional entanglements.
Finally I gave in and had a couple of encounters, but I refused to continue due to my feelings that it was all wrong with no possibility of commitment on his part. In addition, I was beginning to fall in love for the first time in over 10 years. I ran into him at a class about 6 weeks after we separated on friendly terms. I had been praying to the Holy Spirit for strength, as I knew I was bound to see him again socially. It was the biggest surprise of my life when he greeted me with a giant bear hug and told me he’d missed me.
Now we are best friends and talk about almost everything. I can discuss Christian principles with him in a more frank and open way than with my friends at church. I am learning from him and he is learning from me. He has been celibate for some time now. He even phones me while away on holidays. When I was stood up recently for a date with someone else on Valentines Day, he turned up at my door with chocolates to make me feel better, even though I was not particularly upset. It was only the 2nd date, so no hurt feelings.
My point is that while I still have feelings for this man, we were both grown up enough in our faith to turn a bad situation into a lasting friendship. I still feel cherished, even though there will never be more than that involved. This has God’s hand all over it and I am so privileged to have survived the test and to realise, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that a good, caring friend is worth more at this point in my life.
To have stumbled on this spiritual piece is nothing short of God’s Grace. It speaks to my heart, and challenges me to hold fast unto the Word of God more.
I have been in a struggle with sexually-related temptation (masturbation, pornography, unholy thoughts) for about 12 years now, and hardly anything ever works. Sometimes I go sober for weeks, maybe months, but come right back.
I have read books, and consulted other help materials. I am born-again and understand well the difference between salvation and liberation.
However, this write-up has reiterated a point I had always known, and it is that God is interested and in fact excited about the prospect of seeing me liberated.
Despite having somehow managed by the help of the Holy Spirit to keep from going over the edge, maintain my chastity, I still understand the need for more control over myself. I want to live for God totally.
Please keep me in prayers, as I take hold of self-control, and tap into the liberty that Christ purchased for me on the cross.
Hi Gbolahan,
Thanks for letting me know that you found this post encouraging. I will pray for you right now — that the Father will continue to strengthen your faith to see and feel the incomparable Treasure you have in Christ, so you are empowered to turn from all lesser pleasures.
He is worth it all,
Steve Fuller
This is a good write up because i am battling with sexual sin i am tired of going on like this and i know its sin but cant stop it. This write up i believ will help me. Please pray for me. God bless you.
Hi Kenny,
Thanks for letting me know that this encouraged you. I will pray for you right now. And do you have any trusted brothers in Christ who could pray for you? I think you would find that deeply strengthening.
Keep me posted on what God does in your life and heart.
In Christ,
Steve Fuller
Thank you so much for this post. With a bit of Humour but a powerful message. God bless.
I’m so glad you found this helpful, Candy. And thank you for letting me know.
In Christ,
Steve Fuller