Nov 14, 2012
I got up early. Wrote in my journal. Prayed for God to meet me in His Word.
I read from Ezekiel, Job, John, and 1 John — seeing Jesus as my shepherd (Eze 34:23), how nothing can snatch me from His hands (Jn 10:28), and how as I abide in the Word I will abide in the Son and the Father (1Jn 2:24).
Powerful truths. Soul-stirring truths. But not for me. Not this morning.
This morning I was feeling nothing.
No love for Jesus. No sorrow for sin. No love for others.
So what can I do?
Yes, I had prayed before. But now I’m praying with more passion —
Father, I’m reading glorious truths about You — and feeling nothing. Help me.
I come to you in Jesus’ name. It’s wrong that I feel nothing.
You are the Infinite Joy of the universe. Right this moment millions of angels are on their faces before You in white-hot worship.
For Jesus’ sake, forgive me for my stony-hard heart — and the unbelief that’s behind it.
Show me what’s causing this — so I can repent, trust You afresh, and meet You powerfully.
Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24).
I’m seeing no progress. Gaining no insight. Feeling no different.
Father, if I need to move on with my day, I will. But I don’t want to.
I am hungry for bread of life – thirsty for living water.
O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You. My soul thirsts for You, my flesh faints for you (Psalm 63:1-2).
Still — I’m feeling nothing. Except growing discouragement.
But then I remember Psa 40:1-3. When David’s heart was sunk in the miry bog, he waited on the Lord, and the Lord lifted him out, stood him on the rock.
So I decided to pull out my memory verse cards and pray over the next few verses to see what God might do.
Father, help me. Faith comes by hearing — so use your Word to strengthen my faith.
Reveal Jesus to me. Show me my sin. Help me see what’s wrong in my heart.
I start with Matthew 12:34-37 — reviewing it in my mind. Powerful truth. But no fireworks or thunder. And yet somehow I feel cleaner.
Then I go to Matthew 13:44 —
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
And as I pray over this verse something starts to happen.
Not fireworks. But maybe a sparkler. I start to see my problem —
I’m not seeing the Treasure
All I’ve been seeing is a field to be weeded and worked — things I’ve got to get done.
But there’s a Treasure in that field — Jesus Christ.
As I ponder that, it feels like a fog of grayness is clearing, and I start to see —
There is a Treasure. It’s You — Jesus Christ. I can know You.
And the way I live today can bring me more of You — now and forever.
My faith is strengthening. My heart is changing. I’m seeing Jesus — and desiring Him.
I continued going over verses. But Matthew 13:44 had done the heavy lifting.
I was out of the miry bog.
I was standing on the Rock.
I saw and felt Christ as my Treasure.
I felt growing love for Christ, faith in what He would do, and love for others.
He had changed my heart.
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And here are some related posts you might find helpful —
How the Holy Spirit Helped Me Feel the Truth of Jesus
Don't settle for just knowing the truth -- FEEL the truth (a 4-min video)
A promise for those feeling far from God
(Picture is from everystockphoto by scragz.)