Sep 26, 2012
I woke up feeling deeply discouraged, inadequate, and bitter.
I won’t go into the details (wouldn’t be appropriate) — but I will journal my battle.
5:45 AM — I prepare to counter-attack
I’m sitting at my desk with my tea.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal —
Father, I come to you in my weakness, unbelief, and sin. I am trusting Jesus’ blood and righteousness to make me welcome.
Thank You that because of Him You are running towards me with open arms — with all the grace and help I need.
Help me fight the fight of faith. My feelings of discouragement and inadequacy and bitterness show that I am NOT seeing You clearly. THAT’s my problem. So use your Word to show me who You are.
I am praying Rom 15:13 – that You will fill me with all joy and peace in believing — and by the power of the Spirit cause me to abound in hope in You.
5:50 AM — I go to war
My Bible reading plan takes me to Isaiah 65-66 —
I linger over 65:17-18 —
For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth …
Be glad and rejoice forever in that which I create.
So — some things are not going according to MY plan.
But — everything IS going according to YOUR plan — a plan which will bring gladness and joy forever.
Help me to trust YOUR plan, and to lay down mine.
Forgive me for the pride of thinking my plan is better than Yours.
I trust Your plan, Father.
5:58 AM — Who is the ultimate builder?
Next I ponder Isaiah 66:1-2 —
Heaven is my throne and the earth is my footstool … what is the house YOU would build for me? All these things MY hand has made … declares the Lord.
You built the heavens — and the earth — and the temple in Jerusalem.
So even though Israel had a hand in building the temple — YOU are the ultimate builder.
Help me trust that You WILL build your church — even with my inadequacies.
Help me trust that You ARE building — even when certain things aren’t happening, even when parts don’t make sense.
6:17 AM — open my mind to understand!
The Bible-reading plan took me next to Luke 24:45 —
Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures.
The reason I’m discouraged is because sin has closed my mind — I’m not seeing God as He is revealed in Scripture.
But Jesus can open my mind to SEE who He is in His Word.
Jesus, this is what I need!
Destroy my mind-closing sin — and pride — and unbelief.
Open my mind to SEE and FEEL and UNDERSTAND who You are.
I look to You. I trust You. Do this precious work in me right now.
6:23 AM — God will equip me with all I need
Next I read Hebrews 13:20-21 —
Now may the God of peace … equip you with everything good that you may do His will.
Yes, I feel inadequate. And in truth I actually AM inadequate.
But God will equip me with everything good I need to do His will. He’s promised.
Thank You for this precious promise.
I trust You, Father.
You will give me everything I need to do Your will.
I am not jumping up and down for joy.
But God has transformed my heart.
I am feeling strong. Assured. At peace.
I have felt His loving touch — sensed His presence — been satisfied in Him.
I am trusting His promises.
I am ready for the day.
How have you experienced this?
I’d love to hear — leave a reply below. Thanks!
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And here’s some related posts you might find helpful —
An unusually quick battle -- over this blog
A ring-side seat for my battle against an idol
- How to Fight the Fight of Faith
How Jesus Frees Us From Fear (4-Min Video -- With French Fries)
(Picture from everystockphoto by soldiersmediacenter.)